A doctor, on his morning walk, noticed an elderly lady with a contented smile on her face sitting on her front step. He stopped, greeted her, and commented how happy she looked. The doctor asked, “Would you share your secret of life?”

“I smoke ten cigars a day,” she said. “Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, yell obscenities at my neighbors, and don’t exercise at all.”

“That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?”

“Thirty-four,” she replied.

Author Unknown

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last..

The Starbucks Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.

There was a family whose dog gave birth to twelve puppies. They ran an ad in the newspaper when the puppies were old enough to be given away. The ad said, “Free to a good home. Adorable puppies.”

After several weeks, only a few of the puppies had been given away. So, they tried a different tactic. They ran a second ad which said, “Free to a good home. One very ugly puppy and eight pretty ones.”

In two days, they gave away the ugly puppy nine times. Have you noticed that the world is full of caring people, always ready to assist the underdog? When we view people as naturally helpful, they often live up to our expectations.

by: Steve Goodier