My Darling Husband,

Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the small slip-up I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately it’s not too bad and I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too much about me.

I was coming home from the store, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

Yes, your Tesla concept car. There’s a little dent in it. I am enclosing a picture for you. I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you, my sweetheart.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.

P.S. Your girlfriend called.

Author Unknown

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’
‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘she’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And that’s how the fight started …

Author Unknown