OLD people have problems that you haven’t even considered yet!

Friday, December 18th, 2009 at 12:21 pm  
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An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his  physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a  jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.’

The next day  the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor  asked what happened and the man explained, ‘Well, doc, it’s like this – first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.   Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing..

‘Then I asked my wife for help.  She tried with  her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,  then with her teeth out, still  nothing.

‘She even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.’

The doctor was shocked! ‘You asked your neighbor?’
   
The old man replied, ‘Yep, none of us could get the jar open.’
Jerry Posey

The Awesome Power of a Wife’s Love

Sunday, December 13th, 2009 at 12:41 pm  
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cookie

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death’s doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands..

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out up on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was this heaven, or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

“Stay out of those,” she said. “They’re for the funeral.”

Jerry Posey

Write it Down?

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009 at 5:44 pm  
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A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks. ‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’
‘Sure.’
‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.
‘No, I can remember it.’
‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so’s not to forget it?’
He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. ‘
‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks.
Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!’

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
‘Where’s my toast ?’

Author Unknown

Jerry Posey